Pointless...

Sometimes I think I must be the most cowardly person on this earth. How many times did I actually think that I'm attracted to a certain person, yet I don't do anything to follow up on my affections? Could the cause be attributed to a certain event where I was ridiculed when I was still young?

I really do not know what is love, or being in a relationship. What I do know is that I usually do find someone attractive, I'll pay more attention to her and try to know her more. However, when push comes to shove, I'll just back off.

Simple fact, I'm afraid. Afraid of people saying "No" to me. Afraid that it might not work out. Afraid that I'm making a wrong decision. Yet, if I want to wait for perfect conditions, it will never happen at all.

I'm tired of being afraid. Tired of looking at happy couples around me, flaunting their happiness in front of me. Tired of being asked when am I going to get a girlfriend, be attached etc. Tired of not being able to share my inner-most thoughts with someone I know I can trust. I know that I may seem indifferent to what people may say about me being in a relationship, but the truth of the matter is I do care. I really just want to scream out that "I'm in love" to the world.

No longer will I be indifferent. No longer will I let this wave of low self-esteem hold me down. Watch out world, I'm coming forth!